
Too often, a movie that bills itself as disturbing ends up being trite, instead, or overly predictable. Or, worse, they can be laughable in their desperation and innervation to upset the audience. Look, unless you truly believe in The Devil, the biggest threat of The Exorcist is laughing so hard you'll hurt yourself. (There's a word that has -ing added to it for the only time in history, in The Exorcist, and you can only add that suffix for comedy purposes.)So, when you want a good sustained chill in your stomach and tears constantly threatening to come from your eyes because this is Halloween season (or, because it's Tuesday; I make no judgments), how what can you turn to if you can't trust the back-cover blurb or the Netflix description? Netflix, after all, will tell you that Crazy Eight is “creepy” and has a “shocking secret” or that Golden Child is a hilarious comedy. I've seen the original Halloween in the discount family movie bin at WalMart. So, how does one know?
Here follows a list of movies that should disturb you, really and thoroughly, unless you're deliberately not watching the screen or talking on the phone over the movie, watching from another room while trying to do laundry. Sit. Watch. Listen. Be a proper audience. And, then these will mess you up.
Papa's Angels
Night of the Living Dead
Naked Lunch
Midnight Cowboy
May
Lust for Dracula
In a Glass Cage
Ichi the Killer,
Day of the Dead
Cigarette Burns
Butterfly Kiss
Blue Velvet
Angel Heart
And, now that you've read that list, if you don't want any spoilers, stop, go get the flicks, and enjoy.
If you want spoilers, explanations and encouragement...
…last chance to back out...
...here you go:
Papa's Angels – Turn off the sound and watch Scott Bakula box up his wife until she dies, harass his kids, and destroy Christmas. Oh, how cute! You think I'm kidding.
Night of the Living Dead – George Romero knows some things, and he knew some things back in the Sixties, too. Among what he knows is that dead people standing up and trying to bite your cheeks and fingers off is creepy, and that you don't need that in your life to be afraid, because people can kill you
just as bad. You can survive a lot and still end up dead by child or vigilante mob. The recently interred may not be likely to get on their feet and eat you, but if the guys down the street want to form a lynch mob and work out some frustration on you, they don't even have to get out of their truck, they can just shoot you from the cab. All they got to say is, It's a dangerous world and you looked suspicious. Too many out there wouldn't question it much, just nod their head and never think they might be next.
Naked Lunch – As with many David Cronenberg films, this is an inaccurate adaptation of previously existing material, and yet, simultaneously, it's amazingly good on its own terms. Naked Lunch, the novel, is a comic action adventure in vignettes or horror and hilarity and running from the cops. The
movie, is an explanation of why William Burroughs wife, Joan, died when he shot her trying to do a drunken William Tell act they had never once before attempted. I'm gonna let that sink in. Instead of adapting the novel for which the movie is named, Cronenberg opted for justifying the accidental killing of a woman. (Yeah, our protagonist ain't too thrilled with this, either.)
Midnight Cowboy – When a character has their epiphany and everything in the narrative has come together for a happy ending, you're supposed to get one. When a character in a movie sets out on an education journey, they should learn and grow and be better. This poor dude sets out to be a hustler, but
he ain't any kind of hustler at all. And, thus.
May – There's a tradition in Psycho With a Sharp Thing movies, wherein the filmmakers try to woo the audience into being less bothered by the killings by judging the victims. Usually, we're judging them for having sex or smoking a joint, which always strikes me as implying I'm not judging so much as jealous if I go with where they're trying to drive me, but as a technique, it's sound because it usually works for the target audience. It could be that I am just not often the target audience. But, with May,I am. Because in May, what they are most often guilty of, is being jerks. Not loud cartooned jerks, not simply hedonists, but flat out users who manipulate May's earnest attraction to them into something they can enjoy and then make fun of later. So &*^@! them. Then, you remember she just dismantled human beings because they were kinda shitty to her and you're cool with that. You monster.
Lust for Dracula – It's a softcore sex movie! How can this be... Oh, god, are the schoolgirls still working invisible Thighmasters and singing while staring out at us for minutes unending? Is the always-naked female Dracula still hanging out in empty swimming pools drinking from baby bottles and being lonely? Is Mina's husband still making her take psychoactive drugs from bottles he has obviously hand-written the labels for? Is she talking to her stuffed bat she thinks is a baby? Is God dead and Satan a suicide and all hope gone, or is this just a movie?
In a Glass Cage – This is a movie about Nazi doctors and kids. Nobody told this director that when you have a revenge movie against a Nazi doctor, the audience should never get worried for him or beg the screen for things to stop. Beyond that, you know how kids look when they die in movies? Either they stop still and “they're dead” or they gasp all over in pantomime. The director of In a Glass Cage instead suggested to one boy, that he fall on the concrete and pretend to be a fish lying there. So, he does. The boy just does fish mouth.
Ichi the Killer – The greatest Batman/Joker lovestory on film. Everything an action movie has taught you is okeh or will work out is detourned here into something like being sick into a blender, hitting puree, then drinking and finding it's actually kinda tasty.
Day of the Dead – The movie opens with sleep, sensory, and hope deprivation. It opens with hopelessness and gets meaner and more desolate from there. Deal with that.
Cigarette Burns – The first time I saw Cigarette Burns I wanted to hit pause on the TV so so bad. And I could not do it. Which, for a movie about people trying to watch a movie they know will damn them if they see it all.
Butterfly Kiss – It's a road movie that goes nowhere but deeper into anxiety, murder, angst and despair. It's a romcom without love or funny. It gives you two unrepentant, irredeemable killers and forces you
to look on their faces and lives and go, “Oh, God! I'm so sorry.”
Blue Velvet – We live in a world where the worst horrors happen every day. We just don't think about the acts we do not have to see up close, and sometimes, to not see up close, we close our eyes. The worst evils go unpunished in Blue Velvet, and the evils that are arrested or ended are comical in the
cold light of true despair and meanness.
Angel Heart – Some Blockbusters shelve Angel Heart in Comedy. This is because they want already depressed people to just get on with it and kill themselves. There is no other explanation. Sure, it's noir. Sure, it's a movie about PTSD and incest and betrayal. Sure, it's got the Devil in it. But, still, you think it would be nicer.